Thursday, July 4, 2013

The 3S (Every Street has one Snitch and one Snake)

I hate this place but love people over there, so it is all good
Every day is a new day of fun, it’s all good
That’s where I met my man dan, the coolest guy ever – still good
Also THE MESSIE, when I was fucked up, he was the one who offered me a little help – still good
But you know what they say, good things don’t last forever
That’s when the snitch stepped into the game
It took me a week to find him out, but whatever
A snitch is a bitch and I was  not scared
So I keep doing my thing, having fun
Over there we got J, the flyest girl
First time I met her, that’s what I said “this is Jackie, Spanish version”
I still don’t know why I thought she was Spanish, maybe she is, maybe not – but whatever
She is cool and we became friends, it’s all good
I even taught her some French words, she liked it – still good
Dan wanted siria, I wanted J – we both laughed about it – still good
So good I forgot the codes of streets, the 3s
If that place is the street, I got the snitch – obviously the snake is coming
He finally made it. First time I didn’t think about it
I looked at THE MESSIE, he looked so confused
But he is a brave man, next day he was acting like nothing happened
Then I said to myself “maybe that was just my imagination, go ahead and keep having fun”
Dan was the coolest, obviously he would be the first to get chopped
And that happened, I should confess I saw it coming
The same night THE MESSIE got chopped too

Damn … let me take a break

I went home that night so confused, scared
Asking myself what to do, what’s gonna happen to me
He was my protector, the guy who got my back
Now he is gone, I am all by myself
What to do? My brain’s racing
Thousand questions but no answer
I can’t sleep, I can’t dream
I am having nightmares awake

-          Aight I got this, aight -

Next day I made it back to the street
Tired as fuck, mentally and physically
Stay quiet the whole day, you know how I am
The snitch and the snake were having fun
Laughing and singing
That shit got me more confused
J came close to me, asked if I am doing good
I said, I am aight, just little bit tired
The snitch ain’t like my attitude, then he went against me

-          STOP – don’t ever come to me when  I am quiet. It is like take a lion’s food when he is eating

Then I grabbed a cutter, went to him. Pushed him, he pushed me back. Fuck it, I was hoping he would punch me then I could cut his head off.  Damn bitch ass, but the good thing he learnt the lesson. That nigga Gerald is crazy, now he just stay away of my road. It is all good.

I went home that night more confused, completely lost
I made so many sacrifices to get at this point
My brain’s racing again – what to do?
I almost killed a motherfucker, my anger is back
I need to put myself together before I made my mother cry
She only have one hope, which is me
I went to bed, but couldn’t sleep
Next day I left the house, went to harbor point, you know how I feel about this place
My Buddha place
It is Christmas day , so I called my mother to see what’s new
She told me everything was good
I told her same here
You know how it works, lie to the one you love just to put smile on her face
Then I took the train, went to Somerville
I needed to talk to someone, that’s why I thought about Dorra
But she is not around, she went home back in Africa
So I walked around for hours, trying to put everything in order

this life is crazy

I didn’t eat all day, it is almost 8pm
I went back home but I hated it
All my roommates left the house, it is just me
Who to talk to? Nobody
I went on facebook and that’s where J sent me an email
She said “Happy Christmas day”. It made me happy
I let her know and apologized for what happened
I was scared that now she would hate me after she witnessed the fight
But apparently no
I stayed in my room, all alone – started talking to myself

“you need to fight back. Remember what happened when you were in Saint Cloud? Trying to be nice and let people walk on your feet? How did it end up? They all fucked you up, disrespected you. You can’t let this happen again. You got to do something about it. Damn G, you’re from the streets before your dad saved you. Show them what Ali taught you. ”

Then I put myself in defensive position
No love in my heart, I am ready for this fight
Selfish, arrogant
The whole world means shit to me
But life is full of surprises
I made it back to the street, ready to eat my enemy’s head
But THE MESSIE is back too
I swear to GOD it made me happy, but too late my heart was already full of revenge
And that’s when the fun started
The snitch and the snake teamed up
I am the one to assassinate, they destroyed my name
I had to fight back, I lost a lot but still on my two feet
I found out that the snitch is a junkie
He owed cocaine money to other people
Then I made my move, put the inside in my pocket
Really didn’t care about the ones on the other side
Now I only have two enemies close to me
The snake and the snitch
They switched their plans and decided to assassinate THE MESSIE
They got him, they got me
In the meantime, I think J no longer like me
Maybe the snitch fucked me over while talking shits about me
Or maybe she didn’t just like the new me
I don’t know
She got something from me
I asked it back she said no
Remember? I am in defensive mood
So I fought back
She hated it, gave me my shit and said “it is over”
That night I smiled and she added “no I am serious, it is over. Don’t ever talk to me again”
I guess she got it wrong cause that’s what I was thinking through that smile “whatever Bit… this is Boston, there are thousand girls like you. You’re not Jackie so I can’t run after you.”

I went home that night, smoked a blunt
Felt good about it, made it to maverick – spent time with my Latinos locos
Now it is time to save THE MESSIE ass
They asked me to let them explode the snake head and made it look like a bad robbery
I don’t know, I need to think through it
What I said before? Life is full of surprises
Now J started fighting me
Silence treatment, I hated it
Funny, the more she was doing that shit, the more I started liking her
What to do?
I can’t run after two problems
I had to choose
I thought through it – THE MESSIE is a big man, he can save himself – I don’t really want to lose J
Then I started trying to fix what I broke. J is a strong head girl
She wouldn’t listen to me
I thought I should tell her the truth, but women are crazy
They fear the truth
I gave her a small part of the story, well she just hated me more

Damn, I can’t see clear

After the silence treatment, she went on the second phase
“I got all you need, but you won’t have it. You stupid ass.”
Started flirting with a punk right in front me, what the fuck
This shit started killing me
I need to control myself before I kill this punk
Put myself together and be man about it
Now I am allowing her to shit on me
And I can tell you she went hard on this
It is all good, as long as she come back to me
Well, I never thought that shit would last forever
Then I thought that dan might help, they’re friends
She would maybe listen to him
But my man dan let me down, he no longer lives here

Damn – THE MESSIE got chopped again, and this time for good

I spent so much time running after J, I didn’t see that coming
Now I am mad her, time for me to get rid of her
I don’t care anymore about the consequences
We got into a fight after I got drunk
I said all the shits I held inside
But I guess she didn’t care, whatever

Pull over, pull over
The snake and the snitch coming after me
The know they got me this time
I am done, I can feel it
What to do? I don’t know …

-          Aight I got this -

I stepped back and observed
The snake want to get rid of the snitch
He wanted to have the throne for his own
Big mistake
That’s where I moved forward, secured my position
Came back and protected the snitch ass
I knew that sooner or later, I will get rid of him – he is a bitch

life is full of surprises again

The snake head just got chopped
I finally understood that I ended up their careers the night of the fight
He came to me and asked me to let him take care of the snitch
I say “aight go ahead and have fun”
He looked at me and said “you are a motherfucker”
I said “No. I am OG, original gangster. I went blaw – tell me how you like me now”
He said before I left, let me buy you a drink
I said “aight, I got you man”
The snake is gone, he got the snitch and the whole crew fucked up
I am the only one who survived

Damn – let me take a deep breath

Then I went back and talked to J
Tried to explain the whole thing
But she never listened to me
Silence is her best arm
Talk to her is like talk to a wall
You only get a feedback after you break it
But I was tired of saying shits
It always hurt me back, so I let it go
Now I miss her every time I breathe
Feel bad about the words I said
And everything that happened
It is still all good – cause life goes on ….
And full of surprises

This is my story and I am sticking to it

Monday, April 8, 2013

New book by Birdy Fogh

Birdy Fogh explores the complexities of relationship between human beings. Stay … I need you is a book that relates the journey of a young immigrant in the selfish atmosphere of Unites States.
Boston – April 3rd, 2013 – Birdy Seven is pleased to announce the forthcoming publication of: Stay … I need you, acquired by Birdy Seven’s publishing director Gerald Olouman and expected in April 30th, 2013. Authored by Birdy Fogh and edited by Jenna Burke, Stay … I need you will examine the simplicities and complexities of the human being experience.
Stay… I Need You by Birdy Fogh, is a raw view of society from a man neglected in the selfish atmosphere of America. Being from a different country while mourning the loss of his dad, Birdy desperately yearns for love and understanding from the people he meets. Bad experiences made him retaliate by being cold and angry, because that’s what he thought could protect him from becoming more emotionally damaged. In the end, Birdy realizes that as a species we all need one another to survive, but getting people to cooperate as a community is and continues to be a challenge. This book puts us as Americans into perspective from someone on the outside looking in, forcing us to ask ourselves; do we value acceptance and community as much as we think we do?
Gerald Olouman (Born July 7, 1986), better known as Birdy Fogh, is an African writer and web developer. Born and raised in Benin (West Africa), he moved to United States in May 2007 and spent a year in Boston, MA before he moved to Saint Cloud, MN in 2008 where he went to school at Saint Cloud State University.
Birdy Fogh is available for interviews and appearances. For booking presentations, media appearances, interviews, and/or book-signings contact him at 617-506-3443
Contact: Gerald Olouman
Phone: 617-506-3443

Monday, March 25, 2013

The last time I’ve seen Birdy, was the day before his departure to Saint Cloud. When he came back to Boston and talked to me about the book, I was excited to read it. The day he finally sent it to me, I read the whole book the same night. Page after page reveals and explains a lot about his personality. He is the kind of person who is really secretive and master of confusion. Once he get used to you, he will talk a lot but never about his own life. He is the kind of friend you have, but still have the impression not knowing anything about him. Every detail he gives about his life is what happened in the past. Don’t ever expect to learn about his current life. When I went to his house for this interview, I should admit he is little bit different. He is much open and laugh a lot. He even shook my hands, something he always avoided in the past. He told me that now he let people hug him, even though he still hates it. We spend over 3 hours doing this interview and here is the transcript of this conversation.
He used the real name of the main character but asked me to change it Lucy
The first part of this interview focused essentially on the book

What made you write the book?

I left Boston in 2008 because the city was way too expensive for me. I had no job and with my dad’s lost, I could not afford staying there. So I moved in Saint Cloud, with an initial plan to live there a year and go back to Boston.  Everything went pretty cool, not exactly the way I planned, but it was alright. When I was ready to leave, I met Lucy the same semester and decided to stay. At that time we were friends and I thought it would be better for me to stay. After that, we had a long “love-hatred” relationship. Everything I worked hard for was falling apart and I took her as the main responsible.
In four years, a lot happened in my life and I also grew up. I finally understood that my hatred has a root and it was not definitely her. So when I was leaving the city, I asked her if we could meet. This never happened, but still I sent her a text message to apologize. The only thing she said back was “Wow ….” I was looking for a closure, but I had nothing and this literally pissed me off.
I wrote the text “Bye Baby” when I was in the plane and the original version was full of hatred and anger. It has nothing to do with the final version. Two weeks later, I went to Cambridge and rewrote the text “The Genesis“. Cambridge was the first place I went, back in 2008 after my dad’s funerals in Paris. Going back there was really important for me. I read both of the texts and realized that I had the beginning and the end of a story, so I decided to write the whole story.

What do you mean by “my hatred has a root”?

I took my dad’s death as an abandon. I came in United States to go to school and now he passed away. At that time, I was completely lost, scared and wondered who would be there for me. Every day the same question, who?  I needed one person, just one and I thought it would be her. I trusted her the first time ever we met and we became friends really quickly. For some reasons, I took our problems as another abandon and I hated her for that. But years after years, I realized that this inside hatred was not towards her, but that fear of loneliness and abandon. I was so scared that she would abandon me the same way my father did, so I was rejecting her consistently before it happened.

So, the book title is a request for her to stay?

Not only her, all the characters of the book, including the ones who didn’t like me. I wanted all them to stay to either make me happy or allow me to grow up from their hatred. We all need each other to be happy. Instead of getting mad at the ones who are hurting us, we can take this opportunity to work on our patience and self-control.

You said the original version of “Bye Baby” was full of anger and hatred?

I wrote it on my way to Boston and I was mad at her. But a week later, I was at Park Street and remembered something about her. One day I was at work, and she showed up every 5mn saying things like “Hi, How have you been, I haven’t seen you for a while ….” That day, I had no idea what was going on until she finally looked at me and said “you don’t talk to me anymore on facebook and that hurt.” It made me smile because of the way she said it and I think that’s the only thing I remember of her that always make me smile. So I decided to rewrite the text and it took me couple hours.

Did you tell her about the book? What is your relationship with her today?

I let her know about the book and sent her couple texts. She said she doesn’t want to hear anything from me and the book (Long silence). No matter what, she is a good person and I respect her decision. Today, I have no hatred in me, and I wish we had met here in Boston. Things would have been different.

After I read the book, it is amazing how you started from a complete dark style to end up to a more brighten one

I introduced Birdy as a selfish person who decided to move alone and finally wrote “I ain’t a superman” to acknowledge that we all need each other. I lived 4 years in Saint Cloud; I could not close my eyes on the racism. I talked about a Negro condition in white society, and finally recognized that it was unnecessary to let hatred enter our heart. Once you fight the demons that live in your heart, the ones that live outside will never knock you door.

This book is your personal experience of your life. Why did you decide to make it public?

Every single word in this book was like a rock on my heart. I had to put them somewhere to free my mind. Line after line just helped to find that peace I have been looking for years. I decided to publish it to share something. It is human being attitude. When you have something, you want to show it to others. Also I have things to say to others, based on my own experience.
Not all problems are meant to be solved. When you go through hard times of life, always ask yourself the good questions. If you can’t find the root, you will never go through it; you will be going around it. I made a lot mistakes during that times. I let the fear buried me alive and other’s hatred enter my heart. I just wanted people to know through this book one thing. Life always gives us billion reasons to be happy. If we are obsessed only by one, it will completely ruin our lives. No matter how beautiful or hard is the situation, we should keep living. Now the question is what is life? I gave my point of view in the text “Life is good”.

The second part of the conversation focused on his personality. I learnt more about him during the time he was writing the book

All of the names used in the book are real except two, Lucy and Christie

When I let her know about the book, she didn’t like the idea and told me that she doesn’t want to have anything to do with it. So I changed the name to Lucy. Why? I rather not say anything about that.
In the text “I like that”, I changed the real name to Christie, because the girl is friend with Lucy. The original text was much longer, but I deleted every detail because I was afraid to give away some clues.

Jackie was the only person he talked about his admiration and respect but never dated her

We both never dated and it will never happen. I have never done wrong to her, and she never done wrong to me either. You know what they say “You only know what you got until it is gone”. The better you understand this sentence, the better you understand the problems of relationships. She is a good person and I wanted to thank her for that, especially in moments I needed the most.

He rewrote all the texts except one

If I was in a studio recording this, it would blow everyone’s mind. I wrote the text one day when I was chilling at Park Street. I used to go there often during last summer. The lyrics were coming up in my head and I was rapping them inside. Then I took my notebook and a pen, wrote the whole text once and no corrections or anything after. It was just amazing.

Jenna didn’t edit the book and he even thought about giving up on the project

She only made grammatical corrections. She didn’t really edit the book, at least not the way it is supposed to be. The only reason I kept her name is that she gave me one reason to finish the book. I love to pay back people, it is just a part of me.
When she decided not to help me anymore, it really drove me crazy. I found myself alone with thousand things to do. Write a book is one thing, everything that comes after is another thing.  I kept saying to myself “I can’t make it, not alone”. So I withdrew the project for two months until the day I thought about my niece and people I already talked about the book. I knew they were waiting for that, so I put myself together and started working on it.

None of the characters of book is no longer friend with him

I respect them all for who they are and the way they influenced my life. But see, my state of mind today is different. My current life is the reflection of what I learnt from these experiences.  They don’t know about my life, I don’t know about theirs. We no longer friends, but we’re not enemies. I am still afraid of this, of that. But today, I go through the fear, not into it.

He always avoid to answer any questions related to Lucy

I didn’t write a book about her, I wrote about life. I don’t want people to focus on that story. I rather people to learn about the fear and its negative impacts on our everyday life. That’s the goal of my book. she is a good person, so I will never write things about her life or anything. No matter what, I still respect her and I will never do anything to hurt her.

He always writes his texts out of anger

I always write out of anger or sadness. I don’t write anything when I am happy. When I am sad, I am super quiet. But what people don’t know, I talk a lot to myself during these moments of silence. My writings are just the exteriorization of my inside. Once I write them down on a paper, I feel much better.

He is only concerned about one thing today, enjoy every moment of happiness life has to offer

old man told me this: "If I live on the 15th floor and I have someone pointing his gun towards me and ready to shoot, I will jump off the window. You know why? I will tell you why. In either way, I will die. Except that, I am going to enjoy that free falling. I will enjoy that feeling of being a bird. I will die smiling. I rather die screaming of joy and laughing than being scared. Who never dreamed of having wings and being able to fly? I will be just like you, a birdy. There is no such thing called happiness, there are moments of happiness. Make sure you enjoy them all, no matter what the situation is. Nobody paid a fee to come on earth, therefore life is free. Be happy my friend, be a birdy"

He expects to write another book next year and even gave me a preview of the writing style.

Before Stay … I need you, I was writing another collection. If Lucy and I have met before I left Saint Cloud, I would not ever write anything about all of this. I am working on the promotion and a lot of things that need to be done after a book is ready. At the same time, I am working on my future project. I don’t have a title yet, but I have a pretty good idea of the themes to develop.  It will be more about things around me than my personal life.

The first text is called “Where is the love” and is about 3 pages

             I went to New York and saw a lot of black kids
                Growing up just like me
                No father, no uncle to tell’em what to do
                Every day, they got to struggle on their own
                It broke my heart
                Made me realize, I am not the only victim
                How a father could abandon his own child
                It might be his own style
                So I won’t be a judge
                Just a poet and let god be the judge

                                                                                                                                                                Revere, MA - 3/23/13